Monday, July 14, 2003

Musical 'Mare?

I seem to be having a spate of dreams that are unusual. This one was a performance with a brass band, Mr Cohen conducting, and me playng clarinet (which as you can probably guess, stood out like crazy). I haven't had a musical dream since I was in early high school, especially where I could hear the band and myself performing (wrong notes included). For some reason the depressed feeling stayed throughout the dream, more like panic around the family (which matches my current feelings). Other than those feelings, and wanting someone to be there who wasn't, it wasn't a bad dream.

As we arrived at the venue there was a belly dancing convention winding down, neat costumes, jingling coins, people in small groups dancing to their own rhythms, and a stall that was closing. I was dressed in my usual warm layers of black, so stood out like a dead thumb as I walked up to the stall owner - I wanted a hip scarf edged in silver coins, but no luck, all the scarves were sold. For some reason I ended up with a bottle of eucalyptus oil. Back with the band, we started to set up the stage and warm up as the audience slowly filled the small auditorium. I did perform rather well even when I haven't played for years (I was extremely worried before the performance). It was strangely swapping between a rehearsal and performance the whole time.

I kept looking for Bernie, but couldn't see him, although I could see my mum, brother and nanna very clearly (which upset me, as I didn't want them there). Suddenly the curtains were closed and the audience gone, and everyone was half packed (the auditorium closed at 5, and needed half an hour to pack up).

Mr Cohen and I were discussing using Golliwogs Cake Walk (piano piece) arranged for concert band, but he thought it was too easy, so I suggested doing variations on the theme. When I continued packing up I was concerned that I seem to have been playing on a 'half' strength reed, which would mean I couldn't get to the second register, let alone high in the third (which I had got to). And I had a decent tone throughout the performance, which meant a reed strength of 2.5 at least.

It suddenly switched to an actual memory, where Adam started drumming Golden Wedding, to which I started playing the clarinet lead, surprising most of the people there (who didn't think I could do it). The whole piece actually got played, and I'm left with it stuck in my head.

Sudden switch to waiting in the (now Monash) carpark, desperately trying to avoid my family, looking for a lift. Some ex-high-school people were congratulating themselves on saving a fortune and ripping something/someone off. The rain started misting, and I was still standing in the near empty car park with all my instruments.

Finally a familiar beetle appeared, but no driver. Panicky feelings of being forgotten got worse.

Then I woke up, still with those feelings. *bah*

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